ASK DONI! Hear the podcast:
"I recently had a new mom contact me about how to handle her boss's wife... the wife hogged our new mom's baby at a recent BBQ... here is a piece of her e-mail:
We had a BBQ at our house over the 4th of July and invited my boss and his wife. We have a 4 month old son, our first child. My boss’s wife held my son for almost the entire BBQ… even when he started crying. I wanted my baby back but I didn’t want to offend my boss or his wife. I let my boss’s wife continue to hold our son, but it STRESSED ME OUT. At one point, my boss’s wife walked out of the room, to places unknown, and didn't come back for half an hour. I could hear my baby crying somewhere but didn't know where he was.
I don’t want to resent my boss or his wife, but they are coming BACK next weekend and I do not want a repeat performance... BUT I just got back from maternity leave two months ago and I don't want to risk rocking the boat... I need to keep my job.
Doni… what should I do?"
1) Do you have family that can watch your daughter when your boss comes back over? Ship the baby off to your family’s house and tell your boss that you thought an adult night would be fun to get to know your boss and his wife better.... this could be a great time to let your boss's wife know some of your new mommy feelings. She may understand more than you think.
2) HEAD ON! I think it's very normal for a mother to get stressed when someone else is holding her crying kid-- basic biology, in my opinion.. you had every right to take your baby back. If you decide to have your son present at future events and your boss’s wife does it again, I’d hang in there and talk to your boss’s wife about how she was with HER FIRST BABY (if she has kids). This may open the dialogue to letting your boss’s wife know your feelings. She may think she’s been helping you and discussing the situation will strengthen your relationship and remove the elephant from the room.
A) Listen, bottom line, it’s YOUR BABY. If you’re not comfortable having people that you don’t know very well hold him, then you need to find ways to achieve that goal. Your child feeds off of your emotions. He knows when you’re uncomfortable. The more comfortable you are, the more comfortable he will be.
B) I don't ask mothers if I can hold their babies just for the sake of holding their babies… unless it’s a family gathering and I want to give our new mom a break. I mean, I like babies, and I'll happily hold someone's baby if they ask me. But I don't seek out baby holding. And if a baby is crying, I always ask the mommy if she wants her baby back.